Game of Thrones season 4 live blog
4:08pm: Bronn enjoys a little light-hearted banter with Oberyn. You started as a killer, now you are a knight. How did that happen? the big banana asks. Killed the right people, I suippose, Bronn shoots back. They both chuckle. It reminds me of that bit in Monty Pythons Holy Grail. Peasant 1: He must be the king. Peasant 2: How do you know that? Peasant 1: Hes the only one not covered in shit.
But I digress. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
4:05pm: I stand corrected. Her name is Ellaria Sand. Oberyn tells Tyrion this moments after stabbing some Lanniser oik through the wrist just because he can. Shes not long since told us shes a bastard; i think maybe she was confusing herself for her sadistic paramour. These guys are here for a wedding. Things could get ugly. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
4:00pm: Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal) of the aforementioned Dorn is inspecting Littlefingers merchandise. His lady friend (name yet to be disclosed; well probably get to hear it halfway through season five, in passing when shes not even in shot) chooses a fleshy little fleshpot and Oberyn picks the delivery boy. Its like a medieval key party. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:56pm: At last! Our first naked woman. It had been, what, five minutes? I was starting to get worried theyd gone soft.
*WARNING SPOILERS* if you havent seen all of #gameofthrones but if you are all caught up its HILARIOUS! http://t.co/owHYUjY1ZG— Sara X (@internetsara) April 7, 2014
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3:54pm: A delegation of yellow-clad emissaries from the Dornish territories - no, I dont remember them either - arrive looking like bananas on horseback. They treat Tyrion with all the respect he is usually accorded. Zip. Poor Tyrion. One day hell be the big man in Westeros.
Do you guys think Tyrion is on Tinder? #GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/bTOfAJn2CQ— Allison James (@ChicksAreWeird) April 7, 2014
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3:51pm: Yay. Heres Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), with Bronn (Jerome Flynn) and that manservant with the enormous ... flag. Bronn makes some sort of goat-f---ing joke, Tyrion boasts about his prowess as a diplomat, and Podrick fiddles with his enormous ... flag. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:46pm: Ingrate that he is, Jamie turns down this generous severance package (what? too soon?). He doesnt want Casterly Rock, he doesnt want a wife and children, he says. What do you want? scowls Daddy. Supper would be nice. Seriously Jamie, someone needs to give you some guidance on the subtle art of negotiation.
#GameOfThrones Red Wedding Lego the Lannisters send their regards. pic.twitter.com/tlQy3g7sNe— Caprice Conley (@CapriceFilms) April 7, 2014
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3:42pm: Model of fatherly love that he is, Tywin tells Jamie hell need to train his left hand, but tells him hell never be as good as he was. No, but as long as Im better than everyone else.... Tywin breaks the bad news - Jamie (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is no longer part of the kings guard. Instead of risking life and limb to protect the noxious twat that is Joffrey, hes being sent off to Casterly Rock to lord it up in Tywins place. As redundancy packages go, that sounds pretty jolly good. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:2 Copy Link
3:38pm: The blade was made of Valerian steel. Tywin gives it to Jamie, tells him the original was absurdly large, and now hes made two. Let that be a lesson to you Jamie the Massive - its not the size that counts, its what you do with it. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:1 Copy Link
3:35pm: Here we go. It opens on what appeaars to be a sword stuffed down the throat of a wolf. Its Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance) pulling it out, handing it over to a smithy who melts it down to make ... two more swords. Whats this? Has Tywin embraced recycling? Surely he hasnt gone all greeny on us? That would be an even more shocking turn of events than the Red Wedding. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:31pm: One of the things Im most looking forward to is picking up on that rather uncomfortable sister-shagger/brother-bonker reunion. The look on Cerseis face when she saw Jamie rock up with a stump where his hand used to be was priceless. Upvotes:1 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:29pm: Having just sat through the last 10 minutes of a rather trippy Spartacus I have to say how glad I am to be watching GoT. Im sure Spartacus makes sense if you make the effort. Maybe. But theres only room for so much sword-and-sandalry in one persons life, right? Upvotes:1 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:26pm: First up, kiddies, a word of warning. I am not, nor have I ever been, the marvellous Natalie Bochenski. That will no doubt disappoint many of you; in fact, my own parents have had years of therapy to deal with it. But theyre good with it now. Hopefully you will be too. Click for more photos Who will live and die in the Game of Thrones?
Game of Thrones season 4: Jon Snow. Upvotes:0 Downvotes:0 Copy Link
3:23pm Natalie Bochenski: Here is Natalie Bochenskis catch-up from the end of last season:
How they fared: Poorly is an understatement. The Red Wedding dispatched King in the North Robb Stark and matriarch Catelyn, as well as Robbs pregnant wife Talisa. Arya was *this* close to seeing her family again before they were slaughtered, and was subjected to the horror of seeing her brothers decapitated body paraded with a wolfs head. Sansa was given a glimmer of hope, but schemes to marry her off to Slow Lorus were derailed by Tywin Lannister, who married her off to his son Tyrion in the hope their offspring will produce an heir to the north. Bran and Rickon escaped further injury, but have been split up, meaning the Starks are more scattered than Amanda Bynes after a big night.
Predictions: Arya will go to Braavos and learn to be a Faceless Man. Then shell kill everyone. Bran will do Warg-y things beyond the Wall, perhaps get the use of his legs back through some magic merging with his direwolf or something. We probably wont see Rickon again for a while. Sansa will continue trying to hold off demands that she get preggers. Lets hope Tyrion can keep Joffrey away from torturing the poor thing anymore.
How they fared: High fives all round, really. Except for Jaime, of course. Joffrey remains about as appealing as sour rats milk, but thats only to be expected. Tywins mastery of politics was evident in shutting down the Tyrells marriage schemes, and matchmaking his own kids.
Predictions: There will be a reckoning (mostly for Joffrey). Tyrion will have to do more work as the Master of Coin - remember that business about the kingdom being badly in debt? Im hoping Jaimes experiences will prompt some juicy encounters with his relatives; I have no doubt Cersei will end up miserable as usual. Tywin seems untouchable. While Id like to see him kicked around a little, Charles Dance is such good value, Id hate to see Tywin leave the series.
How they fared: Stannis remains slightly frustrated and impotent on Dragonstone. We discovered his actual wife was a few coffins short of a cemetery; suspending her dead male children in formaldehyde or goo or something. That was probably the freakiest shit all season. His love/hate relationship with Davos continued, with the Onion Knight continuing to endear himself to viewers with his friendly relationship with Shireen and learning to read. And Melisandre seems to be growing in power; finally agreeing with Davos that theyve had the wrong end of the war the whole time.
Predictions: Stannis will go north, reassembling an army. Melisandre will continue doing hot, nude magic rituals and saying weird stuff. I hope Stannis learns to trust Shireen a bit more; I hope Gendry doesnt drown in that boat Davos sent him off in.
How they fared: Like a flower, they bloomed then faded. Margaery/Kate Middleton did her best to instruct Joffrey in the ways of PR; Lady Olenna added delicious spice to the mix at Kings Landing, and all those inside plots with Sansa, Slow Lorus and Varys were magic. But then Tywin through Littlefinger discovered them and the Tyrell influence was crushed underfoot.
Predictions: The much anticipated wedding of Joffrey to Margaery didnt happen. I assume it will come in Season 4, and no doubt it will be cringe-worthy. Hopefully Margaery makes it through the wedding night unscathed. Shudder. Slow Lorus is supposed to marry Cersei, but she seems to have other ideas.
How they fared: Daenerys remains super hot, super cool, super fair and super determined to get her rightful throne back. After doing a bait and switch with that douchey slave trader Kraznys (that dragon-face-burning remains one of the highlights of the series), she captured the loyalty of mercenary Faabio and the Second Sons, then took the city of Yunkai, becoming mother to all of its people.
Predictions: Both her dragons and her loyal followers will grow, and Dany will probably traverse a few of the other Free Cities. But I suspect it wont all be smooth sailing and there may be three-way tussles for dominance between Jorah, Barristan and Faabio. Shes got to still be a top pick to come out of this whole mess. One of her best decisions was recruiting Missandei; she is a brilliant minor character and I hope shes put to good use in Season 4.
How they fared: Traitorously well.
Predictions: You are DOOMED, Walder Frey. Your multitudinous spawn too, probably. The North Remembers.
How they fared: Decidedly sub-par, particularly for Theon. After weeks (months?) of torture at the hands of a psychopath (revealed to be Ramsay Snow, Roose Boltons bastard), he suffered the cruellest cut of all. Dad Balon and sister Yara were nowhere to be seen until Episode 10, in which Yara pledged to go get him back.
Predictions: You cant lose your tackle and expect the fishing trip to be the same. Theon will be a broken man; his pride well and truly humbled. I dont think Ramsay Snow will kill him, but he may as well. Could Theon ever be of any use to anyone again? I like Yara but am hesitant to say she will achieve automatic victory over the Dreadfort. But if something happens to her, at least Balon might be spurred into action. But more likely hell just die of crabs or whatever you catch on those miserable salty islands.
The Nights Watch
How they fared: Fair to middling. Jon Snow became a wildling long enough to fall in love, but it turned out Cupids bow shoots some fairly nasty arrows. Can I get a three cheers for Sam Tarly? How brilliant is that chap? Escaping the slaughter of rebel Crows in Casters Keep, then seeing Gilly and her baby safely back to Castle Black. Along the way he killed a White Walker and was able to equip the Hodor Four with weapons.
Predictions: With his cover blown and Mormont dead, Jon could take up a leadership role in what remains of the Watch. Remember theres a bunch of murderous ex-Crows out there; not to mention Ygritte, Mance Raydar and all the zombies and white walkers and such.
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